


Of Trust and Pain

by firewolfsg



Series: Journey of Light (光) [17]
Category: Saiunkoku Monogatari
Genre: M/M, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-03
Updated: 2010-04-03
Packaged: 2017-10-08 16:12:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/77446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firewolfsg/pseuds/firewolfsg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kouyuu and Shuuei have painful memories to overcome to repair their friendship.</p><p>Submitted for Saiun Challenge's Week 4 Prompt - 'Memories' and won joint First Place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Trust and Pain

Kouyuu never understood why he started flinching away from Shuuei. He never used to be so sensitive to his best friend's casual breaching of his personal space.

When he finally found spare time in his busy schedule as the Prime Minister's new Aide, Kouyuu retreated to his palace chambers and left his guard wolf outside his door to ward away all who might interrupt him. Since Shiro always seriously undertook her duties to guard her master, none other than Kou Shouka, her primary trainer, would be able to get by her. And Kouyuu trusted Shouka sama's judgment to come pull him from his retreat if he forgot about time.

Alone with his thoughts, Kouyuu found himself frequently returning to the memory of the night he had saved the life of Shuurei's handmaiden Kourin when she tried to commit suicide. That night, Shuuei had taken Kouyuu's hand in his and had promised him that he would always find him if Kouyuu lost his way.

This memory, however, also evoked the one of Shuuei leaving Kiyou for the Ran province, thus severing the existence of the Emperor's twin flowers. At the time, Kouyuu was kept too busy by his father to dwell on the hurt he felt for Shuuei's abandonment. And later, when the Censorate arrested him for over stepping his authority, he was too caught up in his misery and shock over Reishin's apparent abandonment to think of anything else.

That horrible period ended with Shuuei's eventual return after being disinherited by the Rans, and Kouyuu arranging for his father's dismissal from a job he never wanted to do anyway. But it also marked the restoration of the Emperor's flowers, now fully pledged to him and untainted by clan bias.

Woe it was then, for Kouyuu to realise during this introspection that though he and Shuuei were reunited by Ryuuki's side, he had lost his trust in his best friend. And there was no greater symbol of this than the white wolf his father gifted to him to find and guide Kouyuu to his destinations when he lost his way. For Kouyuu could put his trust in Shiro, knowing that she would never betray him; unlike Shuuei with his broken promises.

Kouyuu mourned the loss of this trust, and though he was proclaimed by some to be a genius of this current era, he hadn't the faintest idea how the bonds of friendship between him and Shuuei could even begin to be repaired. He-- It had hurt, and it still did hurt to think of the broken promise. And Kouyuu was afraid to ever let Shuuei get that close again.

A soft call brought Shiro nosing her head around the door to look in on him. Kouyuu sighed as he gestured for his wolf to stop guarding his door and to enter. It was time for him to set aside his memories of the past and carry on with life in the present.

Shiro didn't immediately come in at his call though. It surprised Kouyuu to see the white wolf duck out again before pushing the door wider with her rump as she started to drag something from outside after her.

*~*~*

Outside Kouyuu's palace quarters, Shuuei stared disconsolately at Shiro. Though the wolf pup no longer growled at him and would in fact wag her tail in greeting whenever she saw him, she still would not budge and allow him to pass.

It about killed Shuuei that he knew why Kouyuu was so troubled and even understood why the younger man was no longer comfortable with his proximity. And he cursed himself for his thoughtlessness in breaking a promise to his best friend.

He hadn't spared a single thought about Kouyuu when he fled Kiyou to return to the Ran province. His mind had been entirely on the political manoeuvrings of the court and his own uncertain status with the Emperor versus his clan then.

Shuuei only remembered his promise to Kouyuu when he returned to Kiyou with Ryuuki to find out the younger man had been arrested shortly after they all left for the Ran province. Shuuei had been completely stricken to realise how the timing must have made Kouyuu believe he had been abandoned by all his loved ones. And it had distressed them all further when they returned only to watch helplessly as Kouyuu slipped into a coma no one could rouse him from.

Shuuei had never felt more useless in his life to find himself unable to do more for Kouyuu than to sit by his side or just see to his body's physical needs while he lay in a coma. This memory of watching his best friend looking so grey and growing thinner over the weeks of his coma despite Shuuei's best efforts to get sustenance into him would haunt Shuuei to his dying day.

If there was anything which slammed into him the depth of his feelings for his best friend, it was this horrific period. Even so, Shuuei was too afraid to act on his feelings when Kouyuu woke up. For he realized then the great responsibility he would be undertaking if he regained the younger man's trust. Shuuei knew without a doubt if he earned Kouyuu's love and betrayed him a second time, that it would probably break his fragile spirit beyond all repair.

Now though, Shuuei had come to recognise his and Kouyuu's complete misery in their half repaired friendship. However, as much as he was a military genius acknowledged to fast regain his lost rank of General, Shuuei had no idea how to begin a campaign to restore the warmth and trust which once existed between them.

So lost was he in his thoughts, Shuuei didn't notice when Shiro moved to nose open Kouyuu's door and look in on her master. He was even less prepared to have her suddenly grab onto the skirt of his court robes and pull him towards Kouyuu's now open door.

*~*~*

"Shiro?!" Both men exclaimed simultaneously as Shuuei fairly stumbled through the door with the white wolf's insistent pulling.

Shiro released Shuuei's robes and padded towards Kouyuu, whereupon she grabbed his belt 'lead' in her jaws and pulled him to his feet to within a few meters of the bemused Shuuei. Then, positioned to her satisfaction, the white wolf sat down and looked expectantly from one man to the other.

"I suppose," Shuuei cracked a nervous smile at Kouyuu, "her majesty here has decided we should talk?"

"I--" Kouyuu swallowed, throwing a dubious look at his wolf before facing Shuuei again, "I guess we really should."

Shiro snorted at them drawing the two men to laugh. Perhaps, this was all they really needed to start to clear the air between them... and begin to repair their friendship.

~owari~

  


Thanks for reading.

  


Cheers, firewolf


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